"This is gonna be tailored to our fellow leaders, but I hope everyone can relate to the following in some leadership context.
I am not alone.
Say it with me.
I…am not...alone.
If there's one thing I wish someone told me before I was elected, it's that while being a leader is a very valuable experience, often times, it can be a lonely one.
As an officer for the Philippine Student Association, I felt like I was doing a disservice to the community I was elected to serve if I didn’t send out my minutes on time, was late to an event, didn’t have a high attendance rate, or disappointed someone.
It took me three years and five positions to learn:
1. Not everyone will come for the reasons you want them to – or 'the right reasons' and that's okay. YES, some people will come to a national conference just for the afterset. YES, some people will just go to events only if there's food. YES, some people will be deterred by discussion and dialogue. But what I've learned later is that our goal as leaders is not to tell people what this culture is about, but to provide them an opportunity to experience it. If they come for the food and take away even at least a part of your message, you’ve been successful. They learned something they may or may not have been able to without your event.
2. Not everyone is going to be happy with your leadership. It’s not because you're a bad leader; you just need to lead them a way that they need to be lead. I'll be honest, as Vice President Internal/Awareness for PSA, I was very strict and would scold people who missed deadlines. That being said, many people disagreed with me, and it crushed me. It took me a while to learn that people will let you lead them if you care about them. I learned that scolding people about deadlines does not work as effectively as asking them first if they are okay or if they need help because you noticed they missed the deadline. It's not to say that scolding doesn't work at all; my board specifically needed support, not a reminder. I used this concept in my other leadership positions, and some have said my leadership is lenient; I say it's human. You may be a leader elected to serve your community, but please don’t forget that you are also A PART of your community. A part of the family. Which brings me to my next point...
3. You are an officer third, student second and human first. I know this is hard to grasp, because sometimes we find ourselves struggling to balance all three. How do we react when someone wants to skip out on an event to study? The person isn’t wrong for wanting to do so. It’s a right v. right situation. I admit, I'm not perfect at employing this last rule for both myself and other peers. But at the very least, what I tell my fellow peers is that: 'To my understanding, we all ran with the idea that we'd have to prioritize our studies alongside our positions. You should have time to study and attend your events. But of course, life happens, and it doesn't always work out the way you intend. So if you're having trouble, then please communicate with us and let us know. We'll do our best to help you.'
Which brings me back to my first point: yes, leadership positions can be lonely (high expectations, your community/board disagreeing with you, etc.), but it doesn't have to be.
4. Reach out to others because you are not alone. This year, I served as President of the Midwest Association of Filipino Americans, and it has been exhausting. I felt as if I've reached even deeper depths of despair that I've never felt before. So much so that I did what I told myself I couldn't do for the past 21 years: I asked for help. I complained. I went to the counseling center. I cried in public. I asked for help and ultimately, I was heard.
I wouldn't have survived this year without the people who listened to me and supported me. So to my fellow leaders, please remember:
You are not alone. Say it with me.
I am not alone."
I am not alone.
Say it with me.
I…am not...alone.
If there's one thing I wish someone told me before I was elected, it's that while being a leader is a very valuable experience, often times, it can be a lonely one.
As an officer for the Philippine Student Association, I felt like I was doing a disservice to the community I was elected to serve if I didn’t send out my minutes on time, was late to an event, didn’t have a high attendance rate, or disappointed someone.
It took me three years and five positions to learn:
1. Not everyone will come for the reasons you want them to – or 'the right reasons' and that's okay. YES, some people will come to a national conference just for the afterset. YES, some people will just go to events only if there's food. YES, some people will be deterred by discussion and dialogue. But what I've learned later is that our goal as leaders is not to tell people what this culture is about, but to provide them an opportunity to experience it. If they come for the food and take away even at least a part of your message, you’ve been successful. They learned something they may or may not have been able to without your event.
2. Not everyone is going to be happy with your leadership. It’s not because you're a bad leader; you just need to lead them a way that they need to be lead. I'll be honest, as Vice President Internal/Awareness for PSA, I was very strict and would scold people who missed deadlines. That being said, many people disagreed with me, and it crushed me. It took me a while to learn that people will let you lead them if you care about them. I learned that scolding people about deadlines does not work as effectively as asking them first if they are okay or if they need help because you noticed they missed the deadline. It's not to say that scolding doesn't work at all; my board specifically needed support, not a reminder. I used this concept in my other leadership positions, and some have said my leadership is lenient; I say it's human. You may be a leader elected to serve your community, but please don’t forget that you are also A PART of your community. A part of the family. Which brings me to my next point...
3. You are an officer third, student second and human first. I know this is hard to grasp, because sometimes we find ourselves struggling to balance all three. How do we react when someone wants to skip out on an event to study? The person isn’t wrong for wanting to do so. It’s a right v. right situation. I admit, I'm not perfect at employing this last rule for both myself and other peers. But at the very least, what I tell my fellow peers is that: 'To my understanding, we all ran with the idea that we'd have to prioritize our studies alongside our positions. You should have time to study and attend your events. But of course, life happens, and it doesn't always work out the way you intend. So if you're having trouble, then please communicate with us and let us know. We'll do our best to help you.'
Which brings me back to my first point: yes, leadership positions can be lonely (high expectations, your community/board disagreeing with you, etc.), but it doesn't have to be.
4. Reach out to others because you are not alone. This year, I served as President of the Midwest Association of Filipino Americans, and it has been exhausting. I felt as if I've reached even deeper depths of despair that I've never felt before. So much so that I did what I told myself I couldn't do for the past 21 years: I asked for help. I complained. I went to the counseling center. I cried in public. I asked for help and ultimately, I was heard.
I wouldn't have survived this year without the people who listened to me and supported me. So to my fellow leaders, please remember:
You are not alone. Say it with me.
I am not alone."
